This post is part of my Destination Wedding Etiquette Q&A series, where I answer reader’s questions.
Destination Wedding Etiquette Question by Andrea
I know it is not proper etiquette to invite anyone to the shower who isn’t invited to the wedding, however, when I mentioned the wedding to a few coworkers, they said they wanted to come. When I told them to would be in Jamaica they said they wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding but wanted to know if I would still invite them to my bridal shower.
My sister will be planning my shower and my question is do I send an invitation to people that request one for my shower even though they have already said they wouldn’t be able to go to the wedding?
Cynthia @ Destination Wedding Details Says
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming destination wedding! Jamaica is such a gorgeous, romantic and fun location to tie the knot – you’re going to have the time of your life!
Now to answer your question – it is perfectly acceptable to send a shower invite to your co-workers because the expectations have already been set upfront. It is only in poor taste to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding IF they are expecting a wedding invitation that never comes.
In your case, they asked to be invited despite the fact that they will not be able to attend the wedding. They already know they’re not going to the wedding and specifically asked you for a shower invite anyway. There won’t be any surprises when they don’t receive a wedding invitation and therefore no hard feelings.
Good etiquette is not so much about following a set of “rules” as it is about treating others as you would want to be treated and having common courtesy. Your situation is easy because your co-workers already told you they can’t attend the wedding but want to share some part of your celebration by attending the shower.
If you don’t mind having them there, then go ahead and send them an invitation.
Best of luck and congrats once again!
Cynthia
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It depends… by: Cynthia from Destination Wedding GuideYou have to ask yourself – Would you feel comfortable having your former boss on vacation with you and your immediate family? Because, this is a very real possibility even if he told you know that he’s not planning to go.I’m curious why he’d ask for an invitation if he already knows he can’t go. That seems a bit odd to me and suggests that he might be leaving the door open to the possibility. If you don’t mind having him vacation with you, then go ahead and send the invitation.But don’t send it if deep down you don’t want him to attend. You can always get away with saying that it’s an intimate destination wedding with only close family. |
How to Set Your Destination Wedding RSVP Deadline
Same question as Kassandra ^. We are having a stateside reception following a destination wedding and reception. Can we invite people who are invited to the stateside reception to a bridal shower?
Hi Karyn – As long as you’re inviting them to A wedding (stateside or destination), there’s no problem inviting them to a shower. It’s when you invite them to the shower but no wedding that you run into sticky situations of poor etiquette. Congrats!
Thank you Cynthia. . It was 99 percent family. Then a couple close friends that were invited. So I guess it’s just a guessing game of picking who to invite. Thank you!!
Hi,
I invited EVERYONE to my wedding.. Literally 150 people.. and it is a destination wedding. The way I see it is.. I want everyone there. The final list of people going is in, and it is only 16 people.
Since I invited everyone, Does the person throwing a bridal shower use the same invitation list?
We are also contemplating on doing a reception back in Canada to celebrate with everyone who could not make it to the destination wedding, as we know everyone cannot afford to go (clearly).
Thank you,
Alisha
Hi Alisha,
Even if all 150 people RSVP’d that they were attending the wedding, usually only close family/friends get invited to a bridal shower. So no, you don’t have to invite all the same people. You can invite your close family/friends to the shower even if they said they’re not attending the wedding. Everyone who gets invited to he shower should get invited to the wedding but that doesn’t mean that everyone who is invited to the wedding has to get a shower invite:) Good luck!
My daughter is having a destination wedding and then a big party when we get back home.. We are not calling it a reception but a meet “Mr & Mrs ***** party! As far as a wedding shower, I think you should invite whoever you want to your shower… whether they were invited to your destination wedding or not. This is your special day and you should do it the way you want! Just remember to include your shower guests on the guest list to your party.
Congratulations and have fun
I have a similar question. We are having a destination wedding, but having a reception back at home when we return. Who do I invite to the wedding shower? Everyone or just the destination wedding people? Thanks!